Negative self-talk is an inner critic that keeps you down. It speaks in harsh, judgmental and discouraging ways. Have you ever heard a little voice in your head that told you that “you are not enough”? Or “ you are not worthy” and “you are ugly and fat”? Unfortunately most of us are familiar with this. Now it is high time to transform these horrible thoughts into something beautiful. Something that lifts up your confidence and brings you inner peace! In this post you will find 5 useful tips on how to be kinder to yourself.
Types of negative self-talk
Negative self-talk has 4 types that you should recognize and avoid them:
- Personalizing: blaming yourself for things that are out of your control
- Filtering: focusing only on negativity and ignoring the positive things
- Catastrophizing: always expecting the worst-case scenario.
- Perfectionism-driven: feeling like nothing you do is ever good enough.
Why are women more prone to self-criticism?
Studies show that women are more likely to have negative self-criticism than men. According to the researchers some of the reasons for this fact can be the following:
Upbringing:
There are still a number of women who were raised to be ideal wives and mothers, excellent workers and beautiful, kind, patient women inside and out. Sadly, these idealistic expectations from women can destroy their picture of themselves by constantly trying to aim these unrealistic goals every time and in every situation.
Modern beauty standards:
Social media, television, even cartoons, and almost every advertisement placed a heavy burden on women’s shoulders by showing them something that is not real, not healthy and does not align with their true self.
Relational sensitivity:
Women are more likely to take close to their hearts the state of their relationships by always blaming themselves first if something is not going easily.
Hormonal and neurodivergent differences:
Women are a more complex creation than men starting from their bodies to their souls. The hormonal changes during the cycle strongly affect mood and thinking, because of the estrogen and progesterone fluctuations.
The science behind thought patterns
Emotions last only 90 seconds then they fade away. However if you are constantly feeding them with your thoughts – either negative or positive – the neural pathway becomes stronger and the emotion stays more permanent. That is called neuroplasticity.
Be kinder to yourself
The negativity bias is a survival mechanism which prefers to notice the threats instead of the positive things. This can fuel stronger self-criticism. For example when you look in the mirror you only notice your little acne and completely forget how charming your smile and eyes are. Believe me, people don’t even notice the tiny flaws you hate about yourself. Thats why you have to be kinder to yourself.
Control your thoughts
The cognitive-behavioral model says that your thoughts influence your emotions and behaviors. Focusing on what we think about ourselves can affect how we feel and act. Being kinder to yourself can actually change your emotions and thoughts about yourself.
5 tips for building a kind mindset
- Gentle affirmations
Gentle, believable thoughts like “I am beautiful the way God created me”, “I do my best to achieve my goals” or “I treat my soul and body kindly” can help you to start your day with a positive flow.
- Recreate your thoughts
When something bad happens to you try to look at it from another point of view. Instead of saying that “I failed again” tell yourself that “I learned another valuable thing that will bring me closer to my goals”. Think about one of your negative thoughts today and reframe it. You will see the impact of this tip.
- Instead of self-criticism: gratitude
When you want to say something negative about your body and looks try to look at that body with gratitude and celebrate all the great things that it does for you. Instead of thinking about how chubby your legs or arms are, think about all the amazing things that these limbs help you to achieve instead of hating on it.
- Turn off your negative thoughts
When a negative wave comes to your mind, stop for a moment and tell yourself that “ These emotions are hard right now, but they do not determine me or my worth”.
- Self-love journal
Celebrate your small wins by writing down 3 little things that you appreciate about yourself every day, for example: “I did a good workout”, “I treated myself with a dessert that I really like”, “ I did my important tasks even though I was tired”. At the end of the week and month you will see how strong you are and how much love and positivity you can give yourself by simply changing your way of thinking.
At the end of the day we are all just human beings with real feelings. All of us deserve to be able to love and appreciate our whole being and existence despite the hardships we have to face from day to day. Do yourself a favor – love yourself! Don’t be harsh to yourself, celebrate every little win and appreciate your true self by building a kind mindset for yourself. Which one of the 5 tips will you try today?
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